A letter to Roger Clemens
by Mr. Sheehy
December 17, 2007
Mr. Roger Clemens, Part-time Pitcher
161st Street and River Avenue
Bronx, NY 10451
Dear Mr. Clemens:
I realize you are probably being inundated with questions since Senator Mitchell issued his report last week, but I was curious if you would be willing to take the time to sign my son’s bottle of steroids.
I know it’s an odd request, but I think you are one of the greatest pitchers ever to play the game, and I think anything you sign will be worth a lot of money when you’re indicted into the Hall of Fame.
You may think it odd that I am writing instead of my son, but that’s because he can’t write yet. Actually, he can’t walk yet either, but we are hoping that the ‘roids will help speed up his development. You should see him throw his pacifier, he’s already developing a mean slider- just like The Rocket!
Anyway, his name is Roger, and I’ve enclosed one of the large bottles to make it easier to sign. Thanks for your willingness to think of the fans during such a hectic time.