Roller coasters hurt my eyeballs, but I’m okay now
by Mr. Sheehy
Clink, clink, clink.
The roller coaster pulls me steadily to the top, my anticipation building.
- I get an interactive white board in my classroom next year.
- I get a classroom – all six classes in one room! Who knew it was possible?
- The district adopted my proposal for hosting WordPress blogs, possibly waving good-bye to the glitches of the free providers.
But then we reach the top, and I realize the truth – I don’t like roller coasters.
Something bothers me about the way my eyeballs seem to press into the top of their sockets. Are they rolling back? It happens even on the downturn of a swing – Do other people feel it? Do they like it? Or is this like the sweaty eyes with cheese, where, if I cut pieces of sharp cheddar cheese and eat them, I sweat on my upper cheekbone, beneath my eyes. I seem to be the only one to whom this happens, but it’s true, though my wife thinks I’m a lab experiment gone wrong. If this happens to you, please tell me, and we can start a support wiki. Or we can appear on YouTube together.
- The district has gone nuts and adopted the state’s web filter. After they cleaned and “re-imaged” my machine, I can’t even reinstall my del.icio.us buttons. They’re “Freeware download.” No, duh, they’re freeware downloads – that’s part of the point. No one is going to give you a free lunch, but if you’re resourceful (or a poor college student on a campus near Whole Foods), you can nibble various free samples and piece together your own free lunch.
- This house-buying thing is hard and very expensive. Did you know our future house has the world’s oldest furnace and hot water heater? After we give the remainder of our savings to the plumber and HVAC guys, they’re going to put them in museums along the interstate and charge admission for people to see them.
The drop is hard, which I do not appreciate,
- I missed the meeting to hand in my transcripts for a double lane change. I had scheduled it on my online calendar, but I haven’t been using it at home this summer – too slow with dial-up. All this technology, but if it’s not on the kitchen wall calendar, it doesn’t exist.
But as hard as the drop goes, it’s just as fast, and my eyeballs have barely touched the top of my skull before they drop back into place.
- Meeting rescheduled. BA +24 – and I get a financial reward for cramming 22 credit hours into one year, while teaching, and being dad.
The number one reason I do not miss being in high school (and there are many) is that I recall vividly how life was all roller coaster, all the time.
Now, as an adult, during these roller coaster stretches, I’m grateful that, through grace and strength not my own, I have grown and matured enough to keep it together through it all.