Yogi Berra’s got nothing on Eldest

by Mr. Sheehy

It’s been a long time since I’ve shared an installment of Eldest’s greatest quotes, and that’s not because she’s slowed down in providing them for us. Kiersten continues to write them all down on post it notes and envelopes and to collect them in a journal. I am just a step behind in sharing them with the world. It’s hard to imagine how hysterical life will be when Smiles starts spitting this stuff out too. I need to write down more things that happen in my classroom – it’s not this funny, but it’s still good stuff.

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“I think it’s granola. I think that they’re NOT granola. I think that they’re spiders on your spoon. I think they ARE granola.” – eating breakfast, Nov. 15, ’06

“Ewww. That was pee. Eldest doesn’t want to eat pee. Eldest only eats food.” – after getting off the toilet, Nov. 17

“Helloooo . . . This is K—-! I wish I was in Dixie!” – out of nowhere, talking into the telephone (which was off), Dec. 6

“Mommy’s belly says, ‘I need fruit!’ Mommy’s belly says, ‘I need to eat bran cereal!'” – after hearing Mommy’s stomach growl, Dec. 8

“Uh-oh, Mommy! Those things came unthinged!” – after discovering that the bathmat had come unsuctioned, Dec. 11

“I forgive you, that God has patience too. And Eldest can stick her hand in the toilet. Eldest can stick her hand in the pee and then we’ll wipe it off. Okay? The end. And a ‘D’ for ‘Daddy’!” – sitting on the toilet pretending to read one of Mommy’s letters, Dec. 14

“Stay awake! Don’t throw Smiles away – keep nursing her!” – as Mommy was finishing nursing Smiles to put her to bed. Eldest wanted to play with her more. Dec. 22

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“When Eldest gets bigger and bigger, Eldest will eat all of Daddy’s candy! And Daddy will say, “Oh! I ate all my candy!” – Dec. 22

“We’re hiding Mommy’s pan!” – The irony of this one is hard to build up too much. She carried Mommy’s wrapped Christmas present into the kitchen and thumped it on the floor, then declared what was going on – to Mommy.

Eldest : Wanna read the flower book.
Mommy: Well you’d better go find the flower book.
Eldest : You go find the flower book.
Mommy: You need to find it, ’cause I don’t know which one the flower book is.
Eldest : The flower book that you READ. And there’s some PICTURES in there. – over breakfast, Jan. 3

Mommy: Do you know what your tongue helps you do? (She was looking for “talk”)
Eldest : Eat ice cream! Lick it! – Jan. 10

“Here’s a sock you can chew on, Smiles. No? You can chew on my leg instead.” – sticking leg out next to Smiles, Jan. 11

“I ate one bean and two [mandarin] oranges. Now can I have pizza?” – in tears at lunch, Jan. 16

“My striped socks are my favorite, and my purple socks are my favorite, and my pink socks are my favorite . . . [giggles] I like them ALL.” – while wearing 8 socks on one foot, Jan. 17

Eldest : Smiles is asleep.
Mommy: Yeah she is. She was pooped out.
Eldest : But Mommy changed her diaper. – Dec. 29