Our Future Podcaster

by Mr. Sheehy

One of my favorite hobbies as a parent is to project what my children will be like. I don’t project into expectations, just suppositions and silly speculation. It seems projecting what they’d be like if they continued in their current tracks is a way of celebrating what my children are doing now. And so I predicted that Eldest would be a podiatrist, because for a three month span she was obsessed with tickling feet. Or maybe she’d be a geologist, since we spent most of our summer “picking rocks” in the driveway and at Grampa’s house.

close ellen black and white

But those were passing fancies and stages. At two and a half, Eldest has begun forming more permanent traits. Most notably, she talks. And talks. And talks. The girl talks so much that I am beginning to think to myself in Eldest-speak. Today, I surmise she’ll be a prolific podcaster, loving the verbal technology.

And I’ll listen to every podcast like I listen to every random phrase. For our entertainment pleasure, I thought I’d steal from my wife’s journal, where she’s assembled a fantastic montage of Eldest’s greatest lines. The ones from this list were all uttered somewhere between ages two and two and a half.

“Where’s Eldest’s stool, honey?!” – Eldestshouting at no one in particular

“I forgot to play in the sink!” – Eldest from her carseat as we pull out of Grampa and Grampa’s driveway

“We I forgot to do summersaults!” – Eldest after supper as Smiles was being put to bed

“When you grow a lil’ bit, Eldest will hold birds. When you grow a lil’ bit, Eldest will hold squirrels! In the grass!” – Eldest, while looking out the window. Obviously, we have told Eldest that she will have to grow a little bit before she can do certain things, and this has become her solution for many predicaments. For example, when told that she is not “Mr. Eldest,” she declared, “When Eldest grow a little bit Eldest can be Mister just like Mister Greg.”

Mom: “We’re all sick – all four of us.” Eldest: “We’re ALL sick of us!”

“This grape is dead.” Eldest, handing back a cut grape at lunch.

“How ‘bout a circle crescent moon, just like this.” – Eldest instructing me how to form a playdoh moon while contorting her body into an impossible position. This is one of her many requests for playdoh shapes that can’t be done but must be attempted for fear of her flailing wrath.

“There’s a banjo on my knee! Okay?!” – Eldest, hunched over Smiles, screaming into her face.

“Eldest gived Smiles a BIG KISS, Smiles!” – Eldest, while straddling Smiles, leaning into her face

“Look at that snow coming off the trees! I smell cow poop. Do you like that? Yup, I do like that!” – Eldest’s running conversation with herself in her highchair over breakfast

“Once upon a time there was Smiles in a shoe! The end. BOO!” – Eldest in her highchair, telling a story (you can read the original girl in a shoe story here).

“I think that it’s granola. I think that they’re not granola. I think that they’re spiders on your spoon. I think they are granola.” – Eldest at breakfast

And my addition to the list, from this evening when I returned home:

“Daddy loves peanut Smiles so much.” – Eldest, referencing Smiles. Mommy calls Smiles “Peanut.”